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You’ve not heard from me for a few months because the law finally caught up with me. To be sure twas a good run but tis grand to be back with Peig and Saoirse again after sleeping in barns and back seats, one step ahead of the shades. I’m out on bail which Peig organised with her boss at work – gas man.
My brief advised me against putting up any more posts as it might banjax my case. That was before the prosecutor decided to make it non-indictable which means it will only be heard by a judge, no jury. That’s cos a jury would’ve set me free. The upside is that we all know a judge couldn’t be arsed to read a blog so I reckon I’m grand. Anyways, I was just told that I have been nominated for a Blog of the Year award by one of my 35000 readers, and I can’t keep me gob shut after that, can I?
Cos of a complaint from the now ex-Ministers (with a push from EirGrid and the wind industry), I was charged under the Scurrilous Misdeeds Against the State Act of 1892. My lawyer says that I am allowed to put a copy of the charge sheet on my blog as apparently it is a public document. Fair enough, here goes, ‘to wit’:
Mullingar Circuit Criminal Court
THE PEOPLE at the suit of the Director of Public Prosecutions
Padraig C. Pylon
Bill No. 792 / 2014
Charge Preferred to the Court
Statement of Offence
The undermining of public confidence in the Government in contravention of Section 2 of the Scurrilous Misdeeds Against the State Act of 1892.
Particulars of Sample Offence:
That on 31/01/2014; 04/02/2014; 11/02/2014; 11/03/2014; and 23/03/2014; the Defendant did undermine the system of governance in this country by exposing the highly questionable activities, alternatively the bone-headed incompetence, of various Ministers of State, both current and previous.
The undermining of foreign investment in contravention of Section 3 of the Scurrilous Misdeeds Against the State Act of 1892.
Particulars of Offence:
That on 11 February 2014 the Defendant did expose and detail the nefarious activities of government ministers and the semi-State organisation known as EirGrid, alleging misuse of funds and wastage of public monies, causing potential investors to invest in Zimbabwe, Gaza and Colombia, these being considered of better potential than Ireland as a result of the Defendant’s relentless exposure of the bribery and corruption occurring in the Republic.
The undermining of public confidence in the Department of Communication, Energy and Natural Resources in contravention of Section 3 of the Scurrilous Misdeeds Against the State Act of 1892.
Particulars of Sample Offence:
That on 31/01/2014; 04/02/2014; 11/02/2014; 11/03/2014; and 23/03/2014; the Defendant did undermine the system of public administration in this country by conclusively showing that the abovementioned Department did, with malice aforethought, fail, neglect and undermine the provisions of the Aarhus Treaty by embarking on the Grid 25 Project without consulting, properly or at all, the citizens of Ireland, despite the ominous and adverse health, financial, environmental and social consequences associated with the aforementioned Project .
The undermining of the careers of specific politicians in contravention of Section 4 of the Scurrilous Misdeeds Against the State Act of 1892.
Particulars of Sample Offence:
That on 31/01/2014; 04/02/2014; 11/02/2014; 11/03/2014; and 23/03/2014; the Defendant did undermine the careers of various politicians by exposing them as double-dealing, incompetent, or plain bent; thereby directly or indirectly causing those politicians to lose their Cabinet seats and a shit load of money that goes with it.
I’ll be making my first appearance in the District Court next Friday, so clutch your bollocks when you wish me luck.
I was in the audience for The People’s Debate with auld Vincent Brown on Wednesday night. I had heard that the last one was a great shout-match altogether, and I was keen to get in a few kicks against the pricks.
First disappointment – the Blueshirts and the Sellouts didn’t pitch up – no FG and no Labour, bunch of shit-arsed bellends, the lot of them. This is a national debate with Ireland’s best political commentator, especially after the pig swill that Enda Kenny sprays around, and the rulers are too arrogant and up their own arses to even send somebody. The topic was our participation in the EU. So why no Phil Hogan, who got the Golden Ticket to Europe from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Are you lazy already Phil, and you haven’t even got to Brussels yet?
The Rulers have a great tradition of not pitching when they are expected. Just yesterday James Reilly didn’t bother to arrive to open the new A&E at that place that used to be the Waterford Regional Hospital, but is now the Dunmore Road Dressing Station. Quinn didn’t bother to go to the Teachers Conference, your ex-man Shatter didn’t bother to go to the Garda Conference, and then they stopped inviting him anyway. He went to the lawyers’ conferences, but then he always did enjoy a good arse-licking, did Alan. Not much licking now, hey boyo?
Back to auld Vincent and all the shouting and roaring on the show. Not so much this time, but the Lefties were crowding out the place altogether. All talk about giving the banks to the people, and joining with like-minded yokes in the other EU countries who have been fecked-over by the money-grabbers and the politicians in their pocket. It was a grand show and took me back to my first year at NUI when I needed a filler course and so took Political Studies and read about auld Marx and his Communist Manifesto. It’s all coming true now with the means of production in the hands of the elite classes, and the alienation of the worker coming to boiling point – the final stage of capitalism before the Glorious Revolution. Sure, I was ready to man the barricades there and then, and string the Rulers up by their bollocks to the nearest pylon – the only problem was that the arsewipes didn’t bother to show. Don’t start the revolution without me, but for now let’s just vote the feckers out.
Second disappointment – I was there to shout about the pylons and the EU energy policy being hijacked by the wind-turbine manufacturers, but there was hardly a mention. Your man Kieran Hartley tried to talk about pylons, and sure, he gave that waste-of-space Eamon Ryan a good dissing – I was hootin’ and whistlin’ fit to bust – Kieran still gets my vote. But the most talk was about The Debt and the banks and the common man taking one to many up the shithole and enough was enough, and feck the bourgeoisie, the proletariat was gonna whip their arse, and so on.
Vincent, we need a Peoples Debate about energy policy, wind-farms and pylons. If you do that I’ll drag Fat Pat down there myself.
Now I know The Debt is awful and myself I haven’t had a job for almost a year now, but we need some of that Marxist spirit to stop the pylons. Biomass means jobs. Pylons destroy jobs. Wind turbines destroy local economies and make rich men richer. It’s the same story, with the same people, just different props. They used the banks to rape and pillage the Irish economy, now they want to do the same to the countryside and the people – rape and pillage using pylons and wind turbines. They’ve destroyed our economy, now they want to take our environment and our health and turn the whole country into a cash-generating wind farm, burying the bodies in the concrete bases of the turbines. It’s a capitalistic version of The Great Hunger, and FineGael / Labour are in charge of the death squad.
It’s time to join the dots and say – ENOUGH!
The old system must be crushed and replaced with something different and better altogether. Out with the old, in with the new. If you see the same tired old faces on the posters just piss on them. Vote in the fresh Independent face. Vote in the anti-pylon face. Loads of people have written in and asked why do I say vote for your man Kieran Hartley, being as he is with the FF? I say because he’s going to Europe to fight the wind industry. He’s going to fight the pylons. In Europe I don’t give a flying feck what party you belong to as long as you do and say the right things: NO PYLONS! NO WIND FARMS! GIVE US BACK OUR LAND! Your man Hartley will do that, because that is what he has always been fighting about, he’s fighting for his kids (and mine) and he’s not going to stop now. So Kieran is my man, cos him and I sing from the same hymn sheet: NO PYLONS!
Now get the feck out of here and make your cross on the day.